


And He Gave Up on the Future

by Allise



Series: One-Shots and Drafts that didn't make it Big Time [1]
Category: Frankenstein & Related Fandoms, Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Genre: Angst, Found Family, The Creation's name is Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 09:47:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23349400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allise/pseuds/Allise
Summary: Adam doesn't know what to think of his future.That terrifies him.
Series: One-Shots and Drafts that didn't make it Big Time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679377
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	And He Gave Up on the Future

Adam couldn’t-

He couldn’t  _ comprehend _ the utter range of his emotions, his thoughts and the inner workings of his mind. It was all a tangle, a mess of strings that ran for miles, all multi-colored and yet so  _ dull _ , and he could barely make sense of it. He wanted, so dearly, to make sense of it still. To unravel it and  _ understand _ . He needed to understand. He couldn’t take it if he didn’t. 

He couldn’t work out his strings, the longer he sat to untangle them only resulted in agony, and the strings would wind tighter, tighter, and wrap around him completely. It choked him. For all their colors, for their mesmerizing capabilities, it wrapped around his neck and grew taught, leaving him without the breath to utter any apologies. Though he couldn’t help but to try, to work and learn to comprehend what it all meant, the fruits of a madman, surely. 

And yet, it remained a mystery, everything. It was as if he was newly reanimated again, left  _ alone _ , to learn it all again. But he wasn’t alone, he was surrounded by friends, by family. And what of his family? How could he dare to wallow in such loneliness while he had them to accompany him? How dare he feel like such and be ungrateful for them. How dare he be so unappreciated of their welcome efforts, to still feel such emotions as dark and has hated as these. He was surrounded by the people he could imagine spending the rest of his future with. Or, the rest of  _ their _ future with. He did not know how long his used to be decaying body would last him, if the energy that brought him new life, that convulsed in his lungs and pumped his red, red heart would grant him a longer sentence. It was this curiosity and uncertainty that he poked and prodded at hesitantly. The future,  _ this  _ future, terrified him, it’s mere provocative and inescapable unreliability of it all was paralyzing; it froze his marrow and instilled in him a greater fear than any he had felt before, inhuman and incomprehensible.

The future was a terrifying thing to contemplate, to even imagine. But it was something hard to not  _ fantasize  _ about. 

Oh yes, Adam knew that his thoughts were the definition of an oxymoron, and he knew himself to be a walking contradiction. Dead, but not. Alive, but not. But there was a difference, in his mind at least, between fantasizing about the future, and truly and earnestly,  _ thinking _ about it. Fantasizing was to envision a happy ever after, a family, warm food and comfort, and people to protect and be protected by. His vision of the future was of warm smiles, full bellies and hugs and kisses. It was happiness, joy, and full of  _ feeling _ . It was a fantasy. 

_ Thinking _ of the future though, required one to remember their past. Though the past may not define the person- but he thinks otherwise- it does define their own outcome. The past is what defines how others treat them, and by definition, the future. And Adam’s past is dripping, drowning, in red. Marked, by charcoal hands and the burning  _ contempt _ that gripped his mind and soul, and led him- knowingly- down a path lined with oil. A match, in his hands. He may be the one that decided to change his course, to switch to a path lined with water, but he leaves behind him a trail of corruption, decay, and  _ rot _ . The match, still burning brightly in his hand.  _ Thinking _ of the future means that he must question every decision, every conscious choice that he had ever made and the doubt and guilt and shame that comes with it. 

The future  _ terrifies _ him, and the repentance he must face with it. Because- and Adam knows this- he should be  _ condemned _ . It is this unknowing of how he must repay his sins and mistakes in the future that he is terrified of, how he must ponder if it shall be him that will be punished or his family; and he hopes to whatever god is out there it is him to pay. He’s never been one to pray, to give his hopes and despairs up to something greater to decide his outcome, but for them, for his family, he’d gladly get on his knees and beg. When all is said and done, Adam should pay for his crimes. 

He couldn’t comprehend his future. He didn’t want to think of his future. So he didn’t. His fraying mind, a tangle of strings, was locked away, tight, tighter, and tighter still. His past is what will define his future.

And he’s terrified of what that means.


End file.
